Something holding on, afraid to trust and let go. A double separation, inversion in itself. Knowing surrender is necessary, yet not daring the movement. Knowing it will come of itself. Is that trust and surrender where those are not possible? The eternal paradox at play. Stillness can not be experienced without movement. Emptiness can not be had without form. Equanimity having no meaning without resistance. Being at ease with uneasiness. The uneasiness dissipates, yet why does it have to when equanimity is present with uneasiness? The paradox at play. When form is fully accepted, it is emptiness. Emptiness sought from resistance to form will never find emptiness. Understanding will never be found without acceptance of complete non-knowing. It is paradoxical and to accept the paradox without conflict, clearing away the hidden assumption it has to be one or the other. Illusion falls as its foundation crumbles.
So allow conflict to rage in you, going deep into it to see the hidden assumptions it rests upon. Allowing awareness to expand and illusions of self to evaporate. Seek not to end inner conflict for it is the very fire birthing the phoenix.